Chronicles of Vida, the Dog #2

May 23, 2026

Ya know, in the past, I told myself that I wanted a small dog -like a poodle or something.  Something cute, cuddly, and curly.  The universe said, nope, here’s a hyped up large working breed dog for you. And my part in this exchange is that I said Yes. But, this week I’ve had a few moments where I wanted to give up.  We’ve had days where she got riled up after walks and her impulse control short circuited.  She destroyed two of my T-shirts, came at me barking and started nipping my arms and legs. I didn’t have a leash on her at the time and so I had to grab her neck at those pressure points to subdue her a bit. I don’t think she was trying to kill me, but I also don’t think she was particularly happy?? I think she was over stimulated and frustrated and needed to put that energy somewhere.  Of course, mom got the brunt of it.  It got a little scary, not gonna lie, but I got through it.  I had to, but oooof, did it test my will. I told my trainer and a few of my other friends about it, and their responses were not particularly concerning. The trainer was like, yeah, that’s normal puppy behavior for that breed.  Another friend said, “you’ve got this.” While another said, “oh, the baby is adjusting.”  All these friends are dog owners, so I imagine they have experienced something similar??  It is reassuring, nonetheless. I had a friend respond saying that she wanted to give up so many times, and almost did re-home her dog. She felt my pain and struggled similarly. Comments like that help me feel less alone.  It’s me and my three cats adjusting to this new high energy, attention seeking dog that takes up a lot of time and space.  My poor elder cat, Maude, is really feeling annoyed at the change.  My baby used to be an only child for 6 years, then the tuxedo cat twins arrived almost 3 years ago, and now this big puppy who goes crazy every time she spots her.  Poor ole ornery Maude. It’s a struggle splitting my time with all of them, plus work, and other chores. Oh, my babies.

I also might be reading too much commentary online that is scaring me about this breed. Makes it seem like it will be impossible to train her to be ok around my cats and house. Did I mention Vida is German Shepherd and part (probably mostly) Belgian Malinois? She is a powerhouse. Good guard dog.  These breeds are most often employed as police and military service dogs! She can leap and lunge and jump and fly through the air. And these dogs are bred to herd and bite. She’s already leapt over the 6 foot wall to chase a cat.  She needs A LOT, and I mean A LOT of exercise and mental stimulation so she doesn’t turn into the Destroyer and go nuts on the yard. Sometimes I am at a loss and revert to “Find It” and scatter treats all over the grass so she could work her sniffer out. It’s supposed to tire them out too. She needs things to DO -a job, to really tire her out. I gotta figure out a routine. I’m looking forward to my next dog training session with Nick.  It ain’t cheap, but I think it's worth it.

Currently, there are many more pros than cons. Pros: I am definitely walking WAY more, which gets me out of the house and into my neighborhood. I've met a lot of very kind dog owners on my walks. I have also spent more time in my backyard in the last month than I ever had in the last three years I have lived here. It's amazing!  I have so many trees and birds and space! I'm grateful for my landlord, Joe, and the generous deal I am getting on rent. He's a dog lover and he LOVES Vida! That's a big win for sure. Another pro is that I try to get to bed by 10 o’clock, at the latest. It’s actually been good for me because I have less time to ruminate during the day and night. My anxious brain likes to spin and swirl and dwell on the past, or storytell about the future. There’s less time for that bullshit. My day is a little more structured, even though I am still trying to get a handle on it.  Cons: It's been a month that she's been in my life and I have spent SO MUCH money. Right now, the biggest fear is how it cuts into my finances. Can I afford her longterm??! That’s where my anxiety lives. It’s hard. Her nipping and biting and pulling of the leash is frustrating and sometimes scary, but I'm working with my trainer. Hopefully this changes soon.

I’m so thankful for my community.  Everyone has been so encouraging. she currently has two pup sitters I’ve hired: Cory and Ella.  I think she likes them. She’s a handful, though.  She’s been nipping at them too.  Sorry :-/

I don’t know if Vida is a forever dog. I’m behaving and making choices as if she is. But, I’m taking it day by day, being as present with her as I can while also trying to take care of my own needs. I went to an art show yesterday, and next week I’m going to two plays. I think intentionally scheduling activities I enjoy will be crucial for my mental health. It can’t be all about the puppy. Thank goodness I have a directing and performance gig at Meow Wolf all summer.  It fulfills my artist self.

You know how couples need date nights and time without the kids to maintain and grow their relationship? I need socializing, fun, and art/performance making too -a way to release, express myself, and maintain the relationship I have with myself, and to remember who I am without Vida. She adds A LOT to my life, don’t get me wrong.  But I have to BE and nourish ALL of me so I don’t burn out...it ain’t perfect right now, but at least I have that intention.  In a few months I may have a foster kid to throw into the mix.  We shall see?! I'm taking everything day by day.  Moving at the pace of trust.

I leave you with a powerful quote my dear friend, Tessa, whom I have known since I was 19 or 20, told me yesterday: “There’s no growth in the comfort zone, no comfort in the growth zone.”  Thank you for that reminder. I am definitely not comfortable right now. Hahahaha!!!

Chronicles of Vida the dog #1 →

May 16, 2026

She came into my life on an early morning in April. I opened the door and there she was, sitting patiently with a wide toothy grin.  She ran to me as her tail wagged, jumped eagerly as if to say, “There you are! I’ve been waiting for you!”  I said, "What are you doing here?!" She looked at me in the eye,  licked my arms and followed me to my car as I packed it up to head back to Las Vegas. I was in Chino, CA for my uncle’s funeral -my mom’s eldest brother, also my godfather.  A father figure to many.  The week had been very emotional.  It actually had been a very difficult 6 months full of loss, grief, and loads of tears. I probably cried more in those 6 months than I ever have in my life. And then there she was, beaming up at me. A jolt of life. A force of nature that followed me even after I put a plate of kibble down in front of her on the sidewalk and walked back to the house. She forgot the meal, trailed behind me, and it was as if she said, “where are you going, don’t leave me.” I thought to myself, “Oh no! Oh no!  I can’t have a dog! Oh no! Shit! Shit! I THINK THIS IS MY DOG!!! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO??” She had no collar and my mom said she had seen her roaming around the neighborhood for the last day or so.  I wasn’t aware of anyone actively looking for her. It was too early in the morning to go door to door and all the shelters were not open yet.  I was not about to leave her on the streets.  There is a busy intersection around the corner with big mac trucks driving by every few minutes. I also was not going to leave her with my mom and family because I didn’t think they would know what to do with her.  They are used to pomeranians and SHE was NOT a pomeranian. She looked a lot like a dog I had grown close to in the past few years. That’s also what drew her to me.  She looked like a German Shepherd mixed with something else. Tan, with two moles on the sides of her cheeks.( Spoiler alert: she's also a Belgian Malinois!) What could I do? I went into the house, snatched an old sheet and towel, laid it on the back seat and coaxed her into the car. I took the tie off my house robe and made a makeshift leash and loosely tied it around her neck and onto the hand rail in the interior of my car. My mom said, “You’re taking her?!  What if she belongs to somebody?!” I said, “I dunno, I guess I am. I will figure it out.”  And then I left.  Doggie in tow.  She looked like a puppy -a big one, but definitely a puppy.  Her teeth were white. She sat quietly in the back seat and I thought, “Oh, you have done this before, smart girl.”  I drove an hour east on the 15 and, when I was passing through Victorville, I decided to pull over to a Pet Smart to get her a collar, leash, water bowl and poop bags. There was a Vet next door so I went in to have them scan her to see if she was microchipped.  She was indeed.  In California if you take an animal across state-line you are stealing property.  I was not about to commit theft so I parked in the lot and made calls to the microchip companies.  After calling a few, they located an owner.  They said her name was Demi and that they would contact her owner and get back to me.  I said I am on my way to Las Vegas and that I wanted to keep her safe. We made it to Vegas with one poopy accident in the car.  We even stopped a couple times for a pee and poop, but she must have been too nervous.  But as the drive went on, her bowels got comfortable and she relieved herself in the backseat. Sorry about the sheet and towel, mami. They are trash now.

I got the call from her owner a few hours after I had arrived in Las Vegas.  He said he was her second owner and that he happened to be in Las Vegas working for the last 2 weeks. Two weeks?! Is that how long she had been roaming the streets?  Turns out he had left her with his ex and their child, but they were having problems and she let the dog go.  He said he couldn’t take care of her while he was working and that he was going to take her back to the shelter soon anyway. He had had good intentions when he first got her. I believe that. He said that she originally was named Demi, but he named her Bella, and he had hoped to take her hiking such. She also hadn't had her first shots yet. He just could not take care of her anymore, and it looked like his personal life was also kind of messy. Many conflicting thoughts raced through my head.  I ended the conversation saying I would keep her here and figure it out.  He was more than willing to let her go, so I had his blessing. And so that’s what I’ve been doing daily: figuring it out.  My former housemate, Nina, was out of town and she let me use her dog's crate (that crate was a lifesaver, btw).  I still was so unsure about keeping her but many, many folks responded to my posts encouraging me and telling me that Vida (that’s what I named her -it means Life in Spanish) chose me.  I was riddled with doubt, but something in me kept saying I had to keep her.  I don’t know why.  I even reached out to a few people asking if they knew families that would want this dog, but then after a day I would say, “nevermind, I think I am keeping her.”

I went back and forth daily.  Her high drive personality was starting to show and there were many, many moments where I thought “I am in over my head.  What am I thinking?! I’ve never had my own dog.  I can’t do this, especially not alone! "  But thank goodness for the community.  A few friends reassured me that, yes, it would be hard, but I was capable and that, with training, what this dog would give would be so rewarding. My friend Kim said something that really talked me down off the ledge.  She said, “You are adding friction into your life.  It will be less comfortable, but also more rewarding.  You are ready.  Trust yourself. And it’s ok to feel a little bit out of control.  The best stuff in life happens right there.”  I carry this wisdom with me every time I am expecting for things to be perfect, or when things feel nuts.  Things just ARE NUTS. And it's ok.

I’ll fill you in on a little secret: I’ve been training to foster children for the last 5 weeks. I am aiming to get my foster care license by September 2026. I’ve always wanted to have a family that includes children.  After a couple of stints of trying to have or create one, looks like I will go at it solo my way -at least for now, until some other option presents itself. Throwing a dog into the mix, especially this working breed, high prey drive puppy complicates things, to say the least. But I can’t help thinking that Vida was supposed to come into my life to teach me something. I can get woo woo sometimes, and I’ve got no shame in that.  There is so much that is unexplainable in this universe, why not get spiritual? Times have been REALLY tough and I’ve done my fair share of weeping lately. For the last 6 months, I’ve been lighting candles and talking to my ancestors, and keeping a gratitude journal, talking to my therapist, many friends, and some family, and this has been grounding me. I seem to think Vida showing up right now was supposed to happen?  Maybe my ancestors sent her to me? I don’t know.  Maybe it’s just a fluke. What I do know is that lots of friction has been introduced into my life and I am having to reorganize and rethink my work, my art and my priorities. She has the potential to be a terror and destroyer if not exercised or properly mentally stimulated -She is a German Shepherd/Belgian Malinois -a working breed -the type of breed that scales walls, and works in a K9 unit. A real athlete and wild child. AND she has the potential to be an amazing and loyal companion. She is very sweet. She will want to please.

My mornings and nights revolve around walking and feeding her and stimulating her mind. This all makes me nervous.  Can I do this? Am I up for it?  Do I have the time and capacity?! I have a show to direct and perform in PLUS teaching! And I want to foster (maybe eventually adopt) CHILDREN! Is this the challenge presenting itself to me?  Or is it teaching me to say no???

I think the lessons will arrive when they arrive.  Right now I am behaving as if she is mine. I try to remind myself that it’s not going to be perfect. I can ruminate all day about future outcomes. But is that helpful? She will destroy things.  She will frustrate me. She will bite me. I will lose it sometimes. AND there will be many times that she will love on me, lick me, lay her head on my lap, and maybe defend me.  Sounds a lot like parenting children, maybe not the licking part, but ya never know!  And I know raising children is not easy.  I’ve heard parents who are full of doubts say they were not cut out for it. I’ve heard exasperated caregivers want to give up in moments. That all makes sense to me.  I know dogs and children are very different, but I also know that raising other beings who are dependent on you is not an easy task, human or otherwise -especially in colonial, capitalistic systems where the nuclear family is expected to do it alone.  But I don’t think it’s meant to be perfect and easy.  I don’t think we were meant to do this kind of work by ourselves. It really does take a village to raise our small humans and animals.  To me, family and community is about sharing the load and sharing the love -in times of celebration and in times of grief.  Maybe the community and family that children and animals bring IS the reward.

My hope and confidence grew during the most recent community dinner at Lulu on Edna.  I was anxious about how Vida would do with a house full of people.  I kept her in the backyard, and to my surprise, many guests, including a mother and her three year old, asked if they could meet her.  I tentatively said yes. I was not sure what Vida would do with a very small child.  But out we went. Vida was jumpy and excited, but not aggressive or mean.  It’s obvious she wanted to play.  The three year old’s mama was also there to watch out. Other people started coming out and Vida lit up energetically.  And my guests welcomed her and played with her.  I was so relieved!  And then I thought, of course!  Many of these people have their own dogs.  They know what they are doing. Here I was ruminating about what havoc might occur, trying to control the situation, but everyone else was feeling easy and loving towards her -even as she went nuts in the backyard galloping wildly around the grass and trees. I did still worry about my cats escaping and Vida chasing them, but at least everyone liked my dog. They would help if something like that happened.  Seeing Vida with others and, especially, a small child reassured me that keeping her was possible -not easy, but possible. And I am not alone.  I have many people rooting for us.  People that will show up for me and Vida (and a possible future foster child) whether it be in person, on the socials, or on Marco Polos.  My community extends beyond Las Vegas.  It spans the continents.  For that I am so grateful. I know I am loved and supported.

I’ve invested in a doggie seatbelt harness, if she would only let me put it on her.

So, here I am.  Vida and I started our first dog training lessons a few days ago.  Nick, from Content K9s, has been great.  I have hope that there will be some big changes in our mom-dog relationship. It will take time and a lot of work, but I hope I can be a sturdy pack leader, and that I can provide the safety and security she needs to trust me.  I think in response, she will show me love and companionship and loyalty, but I won't demand this from her.  I do hope I receive it, but I think it will take work from both of us to get there.  It will fall on me to be the steadfast, consistent leader.  It WILL take my guidance, direction, and redirection,  but I can tell that she is in it to win it with me.  And knowing that there is effort on the other side, even from a dog, makes all the difference.

It's National Park Week!!!

April 18, 2016

I fell IN LOVE with National Parks on our 2013 cross country trip from New York City to Los Angeles. I was most impressed with the National Park Rangers. Man, they are sooooooo helpful and genuine and wonderful givers of information. I did not meet a Park Ranger that I did not like. It was like they loved their job or something! Thank you National Park Service!

In honor of National Park Week, here are a few photos I have taken of the parks I have visited since 2013. And I lived near the Redwood National Forest for three years and I managed to not take a decent photo of the trees! I guess that means we have to go back soon!

Shenandoah National Park, VA

Guadalupe Mountains National Park, TX

Carlsbad Caverns National Park, NM

Grand Canyon National Park, AZ

The Ho Rainforest in Olympic National Park, WA

Mount Rainier National Park, WA

The canopy I slept under in Big Sur National Park, CA

Sand Dunes National Park, OR

Making time...

April 16, 2016

Been in Vegas about 6 months now. A lot has happened, including working on the operations, websites and social media for Small Space Fest and Emergency Arts and social media for First Friday LV. All awesome projects to be working on so soon into our move out here. I've been real busy these last few months working, moving, working some more. Hasn't left much time for my own art and theatre. So, I decided to MAKE time to focus on a little chunk of visual art today. I have thousands of photos that I have taken in the last 3-4 years that I still need to get to. Looking forward to making that time. These are a few of the 35mm double exposures I took back in 2014. Click to see them not cropped.

Going to get back on that photography horse real soon! Missing it real bad.

365 Days Photo Project. Day 66. Stirring the Waters

July 22, 2015

Purging and preparing for another big move.

365 Days Photo Project. Day 65. Happy Birthday Gardening!

July 21, 2015

My favorite model on her birthday.

365 Day Photo Project. Day 64. A Wise Bunch

July 20, 2015

365 Day Photo Project. Day 63. Ruby

July 20, 2015

365 Days Photo Project. Day 62. Layers

July 18, 2015

365 Days Photo Project. Day 61. Liquified Olympia Sunset.

July 18, 2015

365 Days Photo Project. Day 60. Pillow Puffies

July 16, 2015

365 Days Photo Project. Day 59. Artichoke

July 15, 2015

So, this artichoke has been severed from the ground for weeks, yet it is still flowering. Gotsta make da babies!

365 Days Photo Project. Day 58. In Close

July 14, 2015

I think of a Will o' the Wisp, or a sea creature or something else magical. It's kind of painfully cute.

365 Days Photo Project. Day 57. Window...

July 13, 2015

and Heidi

365 Day Photo Project. Day 56. Fresco

July 13, 2015

Playing with filters. Fixing an iphone photo. Tim's backyard in Tacoma.

365 Day Photo Project. Day 55. The First Dance

July 12, 2015

Mr. and Mrs. Ford! Their first dance was so sweet. It was filled with lots of embraces and loving looks while the rain lightly kissed their shoulders.